DON’T PICK UP THE HAMMER

The big day for my husband and I was April 18, 1998 and it was a great day.  Just before I got married my mother had some advice for me.  She said “whatever you do don’t pick up the hammer.”   “What, don’t pick up the hammer, that’s your advice mom.”  “What the hell does that mean?”  Mom then went on to tell me, don’t do the jobs that are his jobs, don’t paint a wall, don’t hammer a nail to hang a picture, don’t wallpaper, don’t shovel the driveway, don’t mow the lawn and whatever you do, don’t take out the garbage.   I was a little confused because my mother did all those things.  “Mom you did all those things and you taught me to be an independent woman and if you want something done do it yourself.”  “Well, she said, I was wrong and I was stupid, don’t do it, if you take these things on they become your job.”  Of course I didn’t take her advice, which is fairly stupid of me, because everyone knows that moms know best.   I’ve picked up the hammer more times than I can count.   I’ve mowed the lawn, I’ve hung the picture, I’ve shovelled the driveway, I hate wallpaper so I’ve never wallpapered a wall.  Have these jobs become my job, no, but mom was right, I’ve shown some talent in some areas and my hubbie knows I can do it.  Would I have been better off pretending I couldn’t do it and he would have jumped to the challenge to make sure all of these things were done in an efficient manner!   Ha, in your dreams, I’d still be waiting..  I like independence so it’s not a bad thing that I just go ahead and complete a job, plus both of us work and two hands are better than one.  I like to think we share the work in the house.  However,  I have found myself either cleaning, de-cluttering or even painting well after midnight while everyone else in bed.  It’s then I hear my mother saying, “don’t pick up the hammer.”  The don’t pick up the hammer line applies to many more things than just hammering a nail into the wall.  For instance this morning, I decided I wanted to vacuum, very normal thing to do and should be an easy task.  My husband has a bad habit of dropping his clothes on the ground with the intent to pick everything up the next morning.  Of course that doesn’t happen and the next day’s clothes end up on yesterday’s clothes and then the next day’s clothes end up on top of two day’s worth and so on, so on…  As you can imagine this can mean a pretty big pile of clothes on the ground on his side of the bed, which really pisses me off but in my head I hear another word of advice my mother gave me, “pick your fights.”   Well the clothes thing drives me nuts, but really it’s a heap of clothes not worth the fight.  Back to this morning, I wanted to vacuum, but I couldn’t vacuum our room because of the pile of clothes on his side of the room.  Like the good wife that I am, I sorted through the clothes and put the dirty ones in the wash and folded the rest and placed them on the chair that I purposely put there as a temporary clothes storage.    He prefers the floor because he seems to miss that chair day in and day out.  After I folded for a few minutes, check out the results below, now imagine all those clothes in a heaped pile on the floor.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

The whole time I was folding and putting his clothes on the chair, I kept hearing my mother’s voice, “don’t pick up the hammer”  Well I picked up the hammer on this one because I wanted to vacuum.  Life is about compromise isn’t it?  Later on I noticed that my husband had taken the clothes off the chair and had them sorted on our bed.  I know he’ll put them away at some point today.  My mother’s advice “pick your fights” so true, not worth it, he’s putting the clothes away and not one bad word between us.  For the record, I’ve stopped putting the garbage out…

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