A Dangerous Mind

“Narcissist Personality Disorder:  One of the few conditions where the patient is left alone and everyone else is treated.”

Warning, if you ever find yourself around one who is narcissistic run, run as far away as you can.  There is no winning with a narcissistic person and if you don’t agree with everything the narcissist does or says, then I guarantee you, it won’t be long before the narcissist has convinced everyone around you that you are the one that should not be trusted.  The narcissist will not win in the end, but the road from the beginning to the end is a long one and the closer that road gets to the end, the narcissist will become desperate and the final stage is the most dangerous.

How do I know, I’ve had the opportunity to work with not one, but two narcissists and I’ve watched the spinning of their web as they entrap everyone in their sticky mess while I was the prey stuck dead in the center of their narcissistic abuse.  The abuse is not something you can report or quite put your finger on and it’s not anything you’ve done to deserve the treatment.   You just know it’s happening, the energy around you changes, people start to treat you with mistrust and then slowly you are indirectly told that you are not good enough, not good at your job, not important, one to be ignored all the while the narcissist is spinning their web and injecting their venom and like a spider’s bite, it can take a long time to discover the full effect of the narcissist’s bite.

There was a time I carried much anger at these individuals, but not any more.  In some ways I owe them gratitude as I’ve learned from within that I am a strong, smart and confident woman.  There isn’t a person on earth who hasn’t gained strength through challenges, and dealing with a narcissist offers you many challenges and hurdles to climb only to gain strength with each new height.

The negative effects of dealing with these people, I’ve left far behind as I have a clear view of who my friends are, the kind of person I want to be and the positive contributions I want to give to my  community, my family and my friends.  I can thank the narcissist for these attributes, because without experiencing the full effects of narcissism, I may not have realized my potential for joy and happiness had they not spun their webs.

Forgiveness is another important factor, because a narcissist always surrounds themselves with enablers, people who are not strong and most likely have low self esteems.  Forgiveness is important because holding a grudge, anger, hate or resentment is poison to the soul.  In both cases I’ve experienced the work of enablers and a lot of my anger was also generated toward them.  However, with much soul-searching, meditation and prayer, I was able to forgive and to forgive is to set your soul free.

The irony of the narcissistic mind, is that the danger that they pose will tear lives and environments apart.  Much like a tropical hurricane or a large-scale earthquake will ravish the land and the people who live there.  However, like any natural disaster,  the strength and resilience of the people will overcome and the same can be said in the destructive path of the narcissist, the people will prevail and in the end, the person who stands to be in the most danger of the narcissist is the narcissist themselves.

Johanne Fraser

 

A WORD OF THANKS THIS THANKSGIVING – FRIDAY’S PHLOG FOR OCTOBER 10, 2014

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

John Fitzgerald Kennedy

It’s coming….

This past week I’ve been off work for a few days with what I thought was a bad cold but would not go away then my throat started to get a little scratchy and before I knew it I had the same symptoms I had a few years ago – strep throat.  Been there done that so I dragged myself to the doctor  where I fell asleep in the waiting room, fell asleep again in the doctor’s office.  The doctor finally came in and after a series of questions and checking this and that, he finally gave me what I wanted – medication – went home and slept some more – slept for two days straight.  I was feeling somewhat better tonight so I decided to do some house work and try to decorate for Halloween – took me way longer than it should have because I had to keep sitting down for a break or water to relieve my coughing fit.   My husband in the meantime found some old pictures, well really not that old  – pictures of when we just became engaged, just after the boys were born – you know the pictures where you look young and vibrant.  As I watched my husband hobbling because his back is out, he had knee surgery this past year so he’s always hobbling with the knee.   I’m walking around coughing  up a lung and looking pale and grey, not to mention my hair is going grey.  I’m going to be forty-nine this November but tonight I feel more like eighty-nine.  As I scanned through the pictures I looked up and caught my husband’s eye and I said “shit we’re old!”  “No were not” he said.  “Yes we are honey face it, we’re old, getting closer to death every day,  you’re hobbling, I’m hacking, we’re ancient.”  He looked at me and said “you’re wacked!”  “After fifteen years of marriage, you’re just figuring that out”- I said.   Little does he know that I’m bound to be more wacked as time moves on!

BEYOND THE ROCK – FRIDAY’S PHLOG FOR JULY 5, 2013

“Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you sit down quietly, may alight upon you.”

Nathaniel Hawthorne

WHEN I WAS

This quote was taken from expand the horizon:

When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down happy. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment. I told them they didn’t understand life.” ~ John Lennon

THE BEST 10 QUOTES FROM DR. SEUSS – HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Cookie Momma reminded me that it’s Dr. Seuss’ birthday today – an absolute genius.  I loved Dr. Seuss books as a child and fell in love with him again when I introduced him to my children.  Perfect day for Dr. Seuss quotes after all his quotes are the best:

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened”

“I like nonsense it, it wakes up the brain cells.  Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living”

“You have brains in your head.  You have feet in your shoes.  You can steer yourself any direction you choose.  You’re on your own.  And you know what you know.  And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go..”

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”

“Today you are You, that is truer than true.  There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

” A person’s a person, no matter how small.”

“In my world, everyone’s a pony and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies!”

“I meant what i said and i said what i meant.  An elephant’s faithful one-hundred percent!”

“How did it get late so soon?” It’s night before it’s afternoon. December is here before it’s June.  My goodness how the time has flewn.  How did it get late so soon?”

“If you never did you should.  These things are fun and fun is good.”

It’s hard to narrow it down to just ten – three more!

“Christmas doesn’t come from a store, maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more…”

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

“I know, up on top you are seeing great sights, but down here at the bottom we, too should have rights.”

BAFOON IN THE MONKEY SUIT

Last weekend, like all of our weekends, it was a loaded one.  Hockey practices, hockey games, painted a room, carved pumpkins, finished  Halloween decorations, made chilli for guest coming over Halloween night – just to name a few.  Sunday morning I went to my son’s hockey game for 9:15 am.  I’m sitting in the stands waiting for the kids to go on the ice and I see this bafoon in a monkey suit walking in the lower part of the arena.  He goes into the other team’s bench and I realize he’s the head coach.  I sat there for a moment and thought, why the hell is this guy wearing a Gorilla suit, then it dawns on me – its Halloween.  The only person in the whole arena wearing a Halloween costume.  At first I thought he looks like an idiot and an idiot he did look like!  He then scanned the crowd, I’m not sure what or who he was looking for, when he scanned my area I gave him a thumbs up, for which he rewarded me with his hands up and beat his chest.  I guess he was looking for some kind of approval or attention.  I mean wouldn’t you, you’re the only guy in the crowd in a gorilla suit and no one is paying attention.  After watching the first period of the game, I realized this guy in the gorilla suit is not such an idiot.  Our team kept skating by and staring at him and before we knew the gorilla suit guy’s team was up by 3 points and we scored a big fat 0.  The gorilla suit guy kept giving hand signals and jumping up and down, excuse the pun, like a monkey and his team just kept coming fast and pounded us.  By the end of the game the score was 6 – 1 for the gorilla team!  I guess you can say the last laugh was on me.  When the game was finished everyone piled onto the ice, gorilla and all, to shake hands and do the respectable thing.  I didn’t have my camera and it was one of those Kodak moments.  Everyone shaking hands in the lineup and here is gorilla suit guy giving everyone a high-five.  You’ve got to give that man an a for effort – effort that paid off!

HAPPINESS

A man I work with is on a happiness mission.  He has started a blog dedicated to happiness.  He started a happiness circle on google and all staff members were invited to join.  Everyone in the happiness circle gives their various opinions on the subject and we all try to figure out if we’re happy or not.  Like the night I came home and yelled at my kids instead of breathing and talking to them in a more appropriate tone, did I yell because I’m not happy or am I happy but I had a moment of rage?  Are happy people allowed to have a moment of rage?  If happy people do have a moment of rage does that make them truly unhappy people?  Are truly happy people so oblivious to anger and negativity that they are always smiling and happy and truly grateful for everything?  Is this even normal, I mean I think I’m a relatively happy person and I do take the time to smell the roses, but is it possible to be in a complete state of happiness all the time.  This is the point of this project at work, the person who started the project is putting it out there and getting feedback from people on wholeness and happiness.  He sent out a survey asking different questions about happiness and work.  A high percentage said they were happy to go to work.  Of course I had to go into the google circle and leave a comment ” did only happy people fill out this survey”, which a few responded and asked what do you mean?  I then had to explain myself a little clearer.  I’m happy to go to work, I’m happy to have a job that pays the bills and I like the people I work with.  I guess you can say I’m very grateful.  But what I do at work is not what I’m about, I have other passions and avenues I would like to explore and find it difficult to explore these avenues because I work full-time and I have two young boys and a husband at home.  If I didn’t have to work I would have the time to explore some of those avenues, but putting food on the table has to come first.  I read somewhere that if you’re not doing the things you dream of doing now, you’re just making excuses.  Could be true except there are only so many hours in the day and the older I get the less energy I have.  Lately, I’ve come to think of happiness as a choice, you can either accept and be grateful for everything you have now and trust in God’s wisdom that you are on the right path or you can look at everything in a negative tone and keep looking through a tunnel where there seems to be no light.  I for one am choosing happiness, not happiness where I’m oblivious to the negative things in my life and appear to be in la, la land.  No I’m a realist but somewhere I’m balancing the two sides and everyday I try to breathe in the moment and enjoy this time I have with my children and husband and remember that nothing stays the same and change is an eventuality – good or bad – change happens.  Let’s just hope the change can be embraced in the most grateful and happy way.